Old school assignment, Short story: A change of thought

“Taylor!” a yell came from downstairs. “What?” I replied. “The family picture has already been taken. You missed out!” Sarah, my older sister yelled again.
What? it is 7:00 AM who, what, why me?
  This happened every year I hadn't been in a family picture ever, and this year I expected it to be different, but of course it wouldn't and if you haven’t noticed, it happened again.
Who really cared anyways? I thought to myself.
   “Beep, Beep” I woke from my daydream/memory to the sound of a reply on the chat box in my email.  My laptop open on my bed, I slouched to my computer and read the reply from Kate. as I finished my lunch from earlier, reading:

                                     “Hey it starts in ten minutes,
                ill come pick you up.”
                                      
               “Thanks!”

I replied.
  I quickly changed from my shorts and Tee shirt into some skinny jeans, flats, a name brand shirt, and my favorite yellow scarf. Then I threw my stringy, dirty blond hair into a bun.
“Ugh” My lips were dry and cracking, grabbing my chap-stick I noticed a Zit right between my Green eyes.
The doorbell rang as I saw how much longer my nose looked today.
   “Coming!” I ran down the stairs in a hurry, almost tripping because of there steepness, and while reaching the door Grandma said as always. “Don’t forget your coat!”
Her light grey hair made her big blue eyes stand out. I giggled to myself as I noticed her favorite broach on her collar. “Bye Grandma!” I yelled as I ran out the door.
  The breeze felt good and the beautiful leaves fell from the tree’s. Golden, red, and orange leaves stroked the ground, with such grace and elegance. Then when the wind came it would swoop them up, and they would dance and whirl in the air, falling back onto the ground then repeating this in a rhythmical way. I wished I were a leaf sometimes able to dance and whirl in the wind so graceful and elegant, but of course I could not be like that because I was a clumsy girl, and I would not pass to be a true leaf. I would be more of a... Frog.
Yes that fits my Description clumsy, and blunt.
   My thoughts were interrupted by Kate saying. “Taylor Lendon, what ever took you so long?” “Oh for your information Kaitlin Brenski, I was day dreaming of how this party is going to be a blast!” I sarcastically said. If only I could tell someone how I really felt.
    “So guess what?” Kate asked. ”What?” I replied. “Tammy is going out with Garret, you know Jared’s brother?” “Oh ya.” I am so tired of talking about boys. What did they ever mean to me anyways? But whatever.
  My Parents disowned me last year, my Family never really cared for me, I never knew why. ever since I was little I was ignored and overlooked . It was kind of like I was the ugly duckling and somehow I just didn’t belong. Every time we had a family picture, project, or activity somehow or another I was left out. When I was little I would go to daycare, preschool, then move straight to kindergarten and then grade school. Unlike my other siblings who were home-schooled all their life.
  “Taylor?” Kate asked. “Huh?” I replied. “Are you okay?” she asked again. I was completely out of it. “oh yeah! I'm sorry!” I apologized.
“So what do you think?”
“About what?”
“My new dress. Do you like it?” She replied. Her brunette hair in loose curls blew in her face, her big brown eyes that everyone complemented on, were full of excitement. She was happy and she seemed to be excited with her new clothes. So I replied without taking much notice. “Yes it is so cute! Did I tell you? You look beautiful today!” And without waiting for a reply I said. “Hey lets go I can’t think right now, I need to just sit down, or something.”
   We got into the car. And I started to get a head ache which made everything seem to whirl around, and I felt nauseated. “Stop the car!” I yelled. Kate slammed on the brakes and without hesitation I jumped out and vomited.
“Sick! I mean are you okay?” Kate yelled then changed her tone when she asked if I was okay.
“I’m okay.” I wined back into the car. “Must be food poisoning, but I'm fine now.” I lied. “Are you still up for tonight?” Kate asked, sounding a bit concerned. “Oh yes!” I replied.
I couldn’t go back, being alone was the worst thing for me right now.
  We drove on in an awkward silence. Finally we arrived at Tammy’s house. Tammy drove me crazy, but it is better then staying home. I assured myself. Oh no here she comes I then braced and prepared myself  for the outcome. She then welcomed us.
“Kate, Taylor! How are you guys?” Yelling so load, I thought for sure that she would break my eardrum. “Hey!“ Kate and I yelled back in unison.
  Concentration was the hardest thing for me right now. My headache grew more intense, and the room we walked into was so enormous I felt that I might faint. To much space; and then as it filled there was to little space.
The room was spinning around me. I felt like I was in a horror movie, and I couldn’t  find a place to hide from the creature inside of me, screeching to find my soul. I couldn’t escape from it, and then I realized it was myself I was fighting with. Everything around me was normal, but I felt everything around me was Alien, and I didn’t understand.
Why wasn’t I “normal”, with a “normal” family, and be happy?
I think that is my real problem, nobody is “normal”, and I am wishing for something that is not really there. I couldn’t push this creature inside of me out. I was stuck.
   A crowd of teenage boys ran into me, and I fell over. I guess I'm not the only one who thinks I’m invisible.
       I walked up the stairs hoping, wishing that there would be somewhere I could get out of the lingering crowd. There, on the stairs were other loitering teens, some “making out” in corners, and through my thorough search I was not able to find anywhere to maybe sit down, unless I were at least six inches close to someone else. I thought it would be good to be around people, but I didn’t think there would be this many people, although I couldn’t help but thinking, Tammy sure had a good place for a party.
The room I found myself in was smaller then the rest of the house, but did look like
the rest. A shorter ceiling, big windows, white walls. But my favorite part of this spot was that there were not many people in it.
         I crouched down as my headache relaxed, but was replaced by nausea.
I started gagging, as I scrambled to my feet, struggling to find a place to “let it out”, maybe a sink, or garbage can, or if only a bathroom.
finally I found a door that lead outside. I slipped, on the cement pad.  Turned out it had rained while I was scrambling throughout the house.
      A guy about the age of 17 helped me up. I didn’t recognize him, but he seemed to know me.
“Hey Taylor, are you okay?” He asked me. “Yeah, I'm fine.” I assured him, as I slowly got up. “No you are not, you’re bleeding.” I looked at my back, well tried, I didn’t feel any pain. But before I could see anything he snatched me up, and brought me back to the house.       
“Are you kidding me?” I thought to myself.
“Do I know you?” I asked him. “No, but I'm Tammy’s brother.” “Great!” I thought in a sarcastic way. He didn’t look anything like Tammy, He was tall, and had brown eyes, or were they green? I couldn’t tell, he also had brunette hair. Unlike Tammy who was the classic “popular” girl. Like in movies. She had blond hair and blue eyes, and was tall, but skinny. But this guy looked more like a “Jock” not that I cared. There in the house was something that really mattered and down the hall I saw a bathroom in sight. I jumped off the seat he set me and “bandaged” me in. I reached the bathroom and quickly locked the door.
        I was probably in the bathroom a good hour before I came out all groggily. The rooms were just blurs, I was so dizzy I couldn’t make out anything completely.
The loss of energy made my senses dull. I couldn’t tell where I was, all I knew was that I needed to get out. I stumbled around and seemed to lose consciousness.
     The party was over and I found myself in a corner crouched down and crying. I forced myself up and we left. I got home and went straight to bed, and not able to move anymore, I fell asleep.



           I woke up with my eyes forcing open, and pushing together, almost going cross eyed. I stumbled in my bright baby blue room, the light from the window felt blinding. I quickly shut the blinds thinking it would give me a slight comfort, but no the blinds went down, but the shades would not point anywhere but straight out .
By this time I was used to the light, and just plain annoyed.
       The smell of bacon, eggs, and waffles with an accent of buttery maple syrup stung my nose, as it seeped through my door.
I put on my slippers and went down the hall and then also down the carpeted stairs.
I hated these stairs they seemed to steep, and everything in this house in fact was to bright, too I don’t know just something I did not like.
Passing the door was the entry, a nice black grand piano sat on the same light blue carpet as the stairs. Pictures sat on the white walls, and a large black bookshelf full of books about music there as well. This room was of course always empty, because nobody played the piano, or any instrument for that matter here.
The small living room was empty except for a couple of bookshelves and some cream sofas.
But the one thing I did like about this house was the kitchen. It had always been a welcoming place. I mean the food we made wasn’t bad, but quite the contrary.
being in a kitchen just had a feel of control.  That which i liked, because I knew something I couldn't control, and that was me.
         “Good morning Grandma, Grandpa!”  “Oh good morning sweetheart! Are you feeling better this morning? Or do you just not want to talk about it?” My grandma asked.
“Yeah, it’s complicating.” I replied.  I’m so happy my Grandma was so patient, and would just leave me alone when I needed it. My Grandma was always so cheerful. Her wrinkled face was so friendly. Who could pass her by? I did not know, although she was old and wrinkly she was beautiful in her own way.
When you looked at her she glowed and it was something I just couldn't explain.
Grandpa on the other hand was quiet, but stern. He would sit there, eat his eggs, leave his bacon, and read the newspaper.
Grandma always antagonized him for this, and said he should join in more, but of course he always had the best at arguments of that sort.
Grandma and I would go out for lunch, movies, read books together you know stuff you would do with your Family, or Mom.
I guess she just wanted me to feel like I had a family, or that someone loved me.
           It was Saturday, and Kate hadn't called as usual, I looked at the clock and it was
10:30 AM, and I realized I had not showered either.
I got up and thanked Grandma for breakfast, and went straight to the shower.
           I moved in with my Grandparents last year when I was 15 years old.
Having a restraining order from my family was hard, especially since I really didn't know why. “And why didn’t they like me? I could have been happy if they would have let me.”
I thought of this as I dried my long skinny legs with my towel.
“Chicken legs” I laughed at the thought of a young girl saying to me as I was running in the park. I think I remember it right “Your legs are like chickens legs, they are so skinny!” She accused me. If only that was all I had to worry about.
         My hair was still damp from the shower. I walked down the stairs feeling clean, I could see my mood had lightened, and I wasn’t as confused. Although I knew nothing more.
I was relaxed.
Passing the entry room I saw something out of place. There on the piano was my Grandpa plucking at the notes on the keyboard, his glasses snug over the long nose I had inherited, his lips were perked as of he was concentrating.
I watched him curiously as he clicked the keys to a unfamiliar tune.
“Grandpa? Do you play?” I asked in confusion. And without answering my question he said.
“Oh hey there Taylor! Hm... I always loved your name.”  “Oh really?” I asked not surprised because that seemed like something Grandpa would say.
“You know Taylor, when you were born your mother didn’t really seem to care much. As I am sure you know. Just another child that wasn't what she wanted. But especially when you were born she was going through a hard time, she had already had two girls and she wanted a boy. she still doesn’t have one and you have six children in your Family all girls.”  Where was he going with this I thought. “Taylor, you had a twin.” he paused.
everything was silent, and I could have sworn I had fainted, My Grandpa grabbed me and said something that I couldn’t make out. I just heard mumbling until it finally cleared to where I could understand. And he said. “Taylor, are you okay? You are turning white.”
He sat me down on the couch and gave me a glass of ice water.
Then he continued. “It was a boy. He died an hour after birth.” he got quieter. “He was bruised and distorted. And after he died your Mother didn’t know what to do, so she blamed it on you. Taylor you were healthy and strong and Thomas just wasn’t, it was only predictable. The Doctor said otherwise. He said the boy died because he was internally bleeding. Taylor it wasn't you. Nothing is wrong with you it was just that little spot in the baby’s bloodstream that didn’t mature enough, and the stress of labor and the last few weeks of being in the womb wore them out, his blood leaked which created the broken blood vessels which caused you to notice the bruised looking skin, and it turned out he bled to death. This must be hard for you to handle.” He said looking embarrassed for me,
and as if it was the hardest thing to tell me while looking into my eyes with tears rolling down my face.
“Why didn’t they tell me I had a Brother? let alone a twin?” I sobbed.
“Taylor, I don’t know. It was your Mothers choice and, I am so sorry.” He said with complete sincere sympathy.
      I sulked to the kitchen and placed my glass of water in the sink. Wiping my eyes as they refilled with tears. Then I walked slowly up the stairs, brushing my hand on the smooth white wall and down the hallway I reached my bedroom.
  The hardest thing to understand was not that I wasn’t wanted, because I was used to that by now. But the fact that I could have been the one who died and if I had, everyone would have been happier. Three children two girls, and one boy. They never got their boy, but instead six girls.
I never got to know my parents much. They left me in the smallest room in the house,
and I received my older sister’s out of style hand-me-downs.
My Grandparents always got me clothes and a lot of them with my birthday presents.
By the time I was 6 years old being independent was important, because that is what I had to be.
I slumped on my bed, with thoughts running through my mind, I cried heavily into my pillow. and into a deep sleep.
       
      I woke up with another headache, the salty tears dried to my face which felt uncomfortable, I was hot, all except for my feet which were frozen in this chilly fall.
It was about mid day. I decided after I saw the window with bright light shining out.
There wasn't much to think of anymore. My questions were answered.
I was practically used to this feeling of being unwanted for an unknown reason, but now I knew why, so it wasn’t unknown anymore.  But the feeling lingered. I knew why I wasn’t wanted and I didn’t have anymore questions about it. And yet I didn’t feel that satisfaction. I went over to my bathroom sink and washed off my face with cool and clean water.  My puffy swollen eyes sunk back to their normal state.
Grandma walked in. “Hey Taylor, sorry to disturb you, but there is someone who needs you on the phone.” She stated.
“Its okay Gran. I’ll take it.” I replied.
        She knew I was having a hard time. And yet her sweetness and touching heart along with her well aged and wise mind, comforted me.
I wanted to put the blame on someone else, and the ease of the thought bruised my heart.
Why did this hurt so bad? To think that here on earth I would be treated so, and yet was I being treated so badly? I hear all the time that this life is so small and it takes charge of so much, depending on our attitude, our life, our choices here. And I found that so difficult to believe.  


Could things be harder? Could Tammy, the most pretty and popular girl have problems worse then mine? Could Rachel, and Kate the two girls I knew so well?
   I took the phone and answered it. Kate asked if I wanted to come to a movie with her, and that a certain boy (that of which she would not name) wanted to see me there. I told her that I would think about it.
Grandma took the phone when I was finished. “you are going right?” The first time she had ever tried to over rule my decision.
“What grandma? Why do you want me to go?” I asked in slight confusion.
“Honey, you have been really sad and we just want you to have fun and meet people, come on Taylor it wont be that bad. I told Kate not to have to many people come. It will just be you, Kate and a couple of other people.” She assured and pressured me. “I will pay for you, and here, you can buy some treats, and popcorn to.” she bribed me, handing me a twenty dollar bill. “Fine Grandma.” She walked out of the room guilty of the nasty work just done as I called Kate to come pick me up.
     I decided that this would probably be good for me, and proposed to myself that I would have a great attitude, and be like a “normal” teen.
I went into my bathroom again and quickly applied my makeup, but assured that it was good enough for this “movie night”. As I did this I felt happier, I closely and perfectly chose my outfit which was different for me because I usually just threw something on.
I chose a nice pair of almost fading skinny jeans and layered shirts that matched the style I usually saw on Tammy, because everyone seemed to think she was “cute” all the time.
I brushed and put my hair carefully in a bun that I thought was appropriate and was refreshed.
I looked in the mirror and felt that I was happy. Nothing could make the smile I had never seemed to notice go away. The lights dimmed in my room as I flipped the switch to off.
“Taylor!” I heard Kate’s happy voice pronounce. I ran down the stairs and the first time I felt complete, and as a new person. Here I was and I am Taylor, someone with friends, and a family. All the people around me who cared for me was my family. And for the first time I knew it for a surety, and no one could persuade me otherwise.